On Flying

4/12/13

I am writing this from thousands of feet in the air, currently somewhere in eastern Colorado. I'm headed to see my family!

I fly maybe 2-3 times per year, sometimes more, but I don't consider myself a frequent flyer. I have however flown all over the United States and twice out of the country, so I've had a few years to make some observations and to form some opinions about flying in general. My opinion about flying is this:

It is a necessary evil.

I don't like flying. I'm definitely not afraid of flying, that's not it at all. I don't like waiting at airports. I don't like waiting on planes. I don't like the cramped airplanes. I don't remember a time when flying was 'glamerous', but from what I hear, it's gone downhill drastically over the years. Now they don't even give you a snack....you're lucky if you get something to drink.

However, flying is necessary. If I were to drive to Nebraska, it would probably take me a day and a half. That's 3 days of travel time right there. And usually my trips to Nebraska are 3-4 days TOTAL. It's necessary to fly.

And it's not all bad. The stewardess on my flight now is super funny and very nice. Most people are friendly and not annoying....but some are.

I think everyone that flies can be grouped into four categories:

The Families: parents traveling with children
The Couples: couples ( I fall into this category sometimes)
The Talkers: my worst nightmare on any flight
The Loners: these are my people

On my flight from Albuquerque to Denver, there was a mix of all categories on the plane. I was seated next to a fellow Loner. Thank goodness! We said our initial hellos, then she pulled out her book, I pulled out my ipad and we were silent for the rest of the trip.

Directly across from me was a family of four (in two rows). They had two young boys, probably ages 2 and 4. The four year old was very well behaved. The two year old...not so much. I would say for about half of the flight, he was screaming. Not crying....screaming. The parents were very well prepared....they had snacks, drinks, toys, iPads, and even gum for the little ones. They were trying their hardest to quiet their child (who obviously was in some pain...he kept tugging at his ears the poor thing). And they still received a LOT of dirty looks from other passengers. I tried to smile at them whenever I could, I guess to try to balance out some of the ugliness they were receiving. I felt bad for them and was not annoyed by the screaming kid at all. I mean, come on....he's two!

Who was I incredibly annoyed with though so much that I was ready to RUN off of that plane?

The Talkers. I don't mean people that know each other that are just casually talking. I m talking about complete strangers that sit down and strike up a conversation with anyone around them. In most cases, a Talker usually sits next to a Loner. You can always tell, because the Loner will just give yes and no answers and then eventually put on their headphones (like me).

In rare instances though, two Talkers will get seated together. And they always seem to have voices that are 10 times as loud as everyone else's. Which is what happened tonight. These two men were directly behind me and they were louder than the screaming two year old.

Here's what I learned about them in the course of an hour:

Man #1:
-he is Vice President of a dog and cat food company.
-his wife is 7 months pregnant (it's a girl!)
-he is traveling a lot, but his last trip will be in just a few weeks due to the birth of his baby girl.
-he has bad allergies, which got worse in New Mexico (shocker)

Man #2
-he only flies United.
-he is a civil engineer
-he was married, had two kids, divorced, married again, two more kids.
-his kids are very far apart in age due to him bring single for quite some time between marriages
-being a single dad is hard

They talked about the ages of their pets. The federal budget and fiscal spending. Raising kids. Allergy medication. Airlines. Food. I could go on and on ( they certainly did).

I'm sure it was great for them. I'm sure their flight went by very quickly. But because of the volume of their voices, I was ready to scream. Yes, I tried headphones. They didn't help. I was actually glad when the two year old started screaming because it drowned out the voices of the Talkers.

Thankfully, I have almost perfected the art of Lonerism. I find my seat, greet the passenger next to me and pull out my headphones. I don't plug them into anything, I just stick them in my ears and that's that. So far this trip has been great...no Talkers next to me!!

4/16/13
On my way home. One cancelled flight, which changed everything. I am now in 4 different cities in one day: Lincoln, Chicago (where I am now), Houston, and Albuquerque. Ah flying. I hate it so!